Hey guys, how are you doing?
First of all, I want to thank the new watchers and the many people that have been supporting my work so much in the last weeks.
You guys are truly amazing and I owe you all so much! <3
This is going to be a journal about some personal experiences and feelings I'm going through right now, so please forgive me if this will be just a looooong list of words and stuff that probably won't even make sense to you. But I really need this.
I've just got back home from the last day of an amazing workshop on "How to build the perfect Concept Art portfolio" with the great and super talented Jim Moore.
If you don't know who this person is, I suggest you check his site and admire his splendid works: jimsdrawinghub.blogspot.it
To sum it up, he's a concept artist with more than 10 years of experience in the art industry, who worked with LucasArts, EA and many more.
I was super lucky to have the chance to attend a 4 days workshop with him here in Rome, and I was even more lucky to have a friend of mine push me to go for it, since at the start I was quite reluctant, since I didn't think I had the right level to take part in such a professional course.
But, as I said more than once, I was lucky not to miss it.
This was probably one of the best learning experiences I've ever had. As many of you might know, I've never attended art school and I only took a workshop on Digital Coloring last year with Barbara Canepa, so this was my second art-teaching course. And if there's any negative thing I can say about this workshop is that it was too short. I wish we could have prolonged it of other 2, 3 days... or maybe another week as well.
The themes were so interesting, the class was great and full of so many brilliant artists (WOW, really WOW, you have no idea what some of my classmates were able to do!) and Jim not only is really kind and nice, but he's one of the best teachers I've ever had, in general. We had fun and we learnt so many things and techniques, without getting bored, not even for a sec.
We discussed about character creation, props and environment design, subject presentation and each one of us had his/her portfolio checked by Jim, who gave everyone precious suggestions on which path to follow and on how to improve.
For 4 days, I lived in a creative and stimulant environment, exchanging ideas with other artist and crazy minds, laughing and having the best time.
And now, I come back home with a bag full of new techniques, suggestion, satisfaction and new friends. And hopes. And dreams.
Most of all I come back home with a big, gigantic question in my head, which I can't answer.
Which is: "What should I do now?"
At the moment I live in Italy, in Rome precisely, with my parents, and I have quite a stable life here: I've got a boyfriend, friends, I have a place I'm happy to call home and many things to do and I have fencing (for those of you who don't know me, I'm attending the 4th year of an historical fencing course, and I'm even starting to study to become an instructor).
To sum it up: I have a life here.
BUT, what about my future?
I work as a freelance in different fields: illustration, translation, video making and photography. And even in that way I can hardly save some money for my future (also because not many of the things I do are under contract, so---). I like living in Rome, I like having my family and my friends near me. I like the weather here (you might laugh at this, but living on the Mediterranean sea can be so amazing compared to many other countries), I like my city and my country.
BUT, I also like dreaming. Dreaming of living for away, in a place where my hobbies can become something more, where I don't need to do tons of different works to earn some money (with which I'm not able to pay a rent, not even for a really small house); in a place where I can see my efforts bringing results, where I'm surrounded by people who share my passions and with whom I can work on cool and big projects; a place where things for me could change in a better way.
I've always tried to do the best with what I had, and I surely can't complain about my life right now, but... I think I could ask for more.
But having that "more", would mean loosing nearly everything I've got now.
Moving, to the USA for example, would mean leaving all my friends, my family, my cats, my home, my fencing academy.. and those things, as for now, are my life.
My boyfriend would surely come with me, and of course I would be able to find new friends and build a new life, but... do I really want a new life right now?
I'm not really sure about it.
I don't even know if I have the skills to build a new life in another far away country, or to find a job there.
Surely I would keep in touch with my family and my friends, but.. I've had a really hard time finding balance in my life and I don't know if I'm ready to start again.
I only know that in these 4 days, I've seen a fire long dead, burn again inside me. A breeze that I hadn't felt in a long time, probably since 4 years ago, when I lived in Japan for 3 months.
Some say that professionals are too kind and positive with students when they encourage them to try and live their dreams, that moving away to find a work is not easy, and I'm sure that's true, but, if there's a rule, maybe a motto, in my life, that's "never have regrets".
And I'm starting to feel like I might regret not trying.
I don't even know if I'm making sense to you guys right now, but I really had to put this down. And I'm sorry this journal got so long.
I just had to get it out of my system and my mind, before my head exploded.
I'm a bit lost, maybe in a good way, and I'm trying to figure out what I should do with my life and my future.. FOR my future. For me.
After all, I'm not so young anymore (I've turned 26 this September) and I know that the world is full of people who are much more talented than me.
Should I try, should I go, should I leave everyone and everything behind, start anew and see what happens? Should I risk?
Or should I make the best of what I have and maybe wait for a better chance?
I don't know.. really I don't know.
Ok, I think that's it. I got it out. Now I feel a bit lighter. But I think this thing will bother me for some time.
I'll let you know what I decide, IF I decide something.
Thanks for reading and for your constant support!
I love you all,